FLASH: Dateline Ottawa:
New medical breakthrough! Skin Cancer may be curable!

For years cancer researchers have laboured under the delusion that skin cancer was a result of over exposure to the sun. Not so. Senator Andrew Thompson who claims to have the affliction moved to sunny Mexico for health reasons and has remained there. It is thus concluded by some researchers that the Senator's exposure to strong sun light and balmy weather may be brining his affliction into remission.

It is believed in some quarters that the Province of Ontario's new photo identification health card to deter fraud may be an out growth of Senator Thompson's skin cancer research. The card it is hoped will help identify fraudulent claims for senatorships based on health reasons. Apparently the Liberal caucus is bracing for an onslaught of demands for senatorships and Mexican residency from Canadians claiming to have skin cancer.